WOMEN OVER 40 ROCK!

by Jan Bina

If you are in a long term relationship, you may only hear 30% of what your mate says. So says, relationship expert, Sherry Amatenstein, guest on Tomatoes in the Trenches blog talk radio show of February 3.

Listen to this show, archived on http://www.inthetrenchesproductions.com and on http://www.tomatoesinthetrenches.com, and pick up many wonderful tips about how to navigate challenging times in a marriage. You’ll also learn ways to take emotional risks and re-discover what you cherish in your mate. It’s no wonder that Sherry is a top relationship expert who frequently is a guest on such shows as “The Today Show” and “Good Morning America”, to name a few. Her experience equips her to field any question that is tossed her way. Her sense of humor gives us permission to laugh at the silly and sometimes stubborn stands we take in dealing with our mates. Sherry has also written a book that sounds like a must for my nightstand: “The Complete Marriage Counselor: Relationship Saving Advice from America’s Top 50+ Couples Therapists.”

Thanks to Sherry, I’ve already altered my behavior. Now when my husband says he has told me something that I don’t recall, I just smile, shrug my shoulders and say, “Sorry, I only hear 30%.” Actually, I am aiming for 50% – hey, it’s a start.

Jan Bina is a typical LA hyphenate– actor-writer-tortoise feeder-teacher-sloppy homemaker-weed puller-treadmill walker-fretful mother-daydreamer and producer for In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40 on the web.

by Judith Drake

I was on a plane to NY last week, and a family of two parents and two kids took the two rows in front of me. You know how it is when you’re sitting there waiting… and waiting… and waiting… to take off. People start getting fidgety, especially kids. Well the little kid in front of me soon got my complete attention. He couldn’t have been a day over three years old, and after minutes of squirming around, he finally yelled out to his mother “Where is my I-Pod?? I want my I-Pod!” – Three years old!! And it continued: “Give me my I-Pod! Where is it?? I want it! I-Pod, I-Pod, I-Pod!!” And so it continued until she gave him what I assume was his I-Pod.

And there I sat, a 67 year old woman who only refers to the word pod in conjunction with peas!

Three years old!!!! What is to become of this young generation? They may end up being exceptionally gifted in the machine world, but where, oh where, will they be in the human world??

From the time I was three, I was already adept at reading people’s desires and in knowing how to deal with them to get what I wanted. I remember pretending to be asleep in a large bed holding my aunt’s cocker spaniel close to me, knowing that she would be passing the open door and find the picture of me and Missy snuggled together quite charming. And sure enough, in a few moments there she was oohing and ahing and whispering to the other family members to come see.

I spent my youth dealing with boys and girls of various ages, neighbors, neighboring parents, teachers and fellow students. It helped me understand how civilization works, with all its giving and taking, how, indeed, to live with other people. And, I would hope, to understand and empathize with other peoples of all races and countries. How else can one make decisions in ones life? Decisions that effect everyone, not just oneself. Decisions including choices in voting, on what profession one might enjoy, in which people to trust and which ones not to. I believe the skills one learns in dealing with fellow human beings from the very moment of our moment of birth make all the difference in our future happiness and the happiness of those around us.

So what will become of this new generation? This generation that screams for their I-Pod at three years old and spends 90% of their lives in solitary confinement with a machine of some sort? FaceBook? Twitter?? These are simply pretend relationships. Relationships that still leave you in a room with a machine. How will these kids make future decisions? Frankly, I think they will be open to any smart criminal or jerk around. They will believe anything they’re told by someone who knows how to tell it. They will never learn how to read and understand their fellow humans, unfortunately, which will leave them, and in bigger terms, our society, in harms way in all sorts of venues.

Would that the kid in front of me had been more interested in what was in a pea pod than in having an I-Pod. That’s what I think, anyway.

Blast from the Past: originally posted June 3, 2009

Judith Some-Advances-Ain’t-Worth-It Drake

Judith Well-Over-60-&-Lovin’-It Drake has been in the ‘Show Biz’ for 45 years, crossing paths with the likes of Mary Martin, Betty Grable, Cher & Calista Flockhart along the way, been a wife to Mr. Whipple and screamed for T-Mobile. Her priority now is as a producer with In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment network for women over 40 on the web.

by Mary L. Schramski, Ph.D.

The good thing about my retirement is I have a lot more time. Yesterday I went through closets, drawers, and searched under beds. Here’s a bit of what I unearthed and took to Goodwill

Shockingly, I found over 20 movie videos, and I don’t even own a tape player!!

So why was I holding on to the tapes? And what started me on my quest for empty drawers and closet space?

The other day I read the newspaper article, “Why We Gave Away Our Home.” It’s about a family of 4 who sold their VERY large house, bought a smaller home and started The Hunger Project, a nonprofit organization that helps people move from hunger to self-reliance. And according to the father, Kevin Salwen, and author of the article, “The family has never been happier.”

After reading this article, I thought “Wow, the change that I threw in the Salvation Army bell ringer’s bucket at Christmas doesn’t stand up to this type of charity work–giving away your home.”

I began to dial the Realtor…

Thank God Kevin Salwen also states in his article, “We don’t expect anyone else to copy what we did and sell their home.” Phew. I clicked off the phone but kept thinking.

I don’t have a huge home. Plus I don’t want to sell my house. My husband and I plan to stay here (in a very active retirement community) until we can’t stay here “no more.”

But it was “Eh… Mary not so fast….

At the end of his article Mr. Salwen writes, “But most people can find some commodity in their lives they could give up…or stuff, like donating half the clothes in your closet.”

That’s when the never worn, new pair of slacks I bought 3 years ago that were still hanging in my closet and collecting dust, began to haunt me.

The slacks were the match to my flame of going through every drawer, cabinet, closet and taking a closer look at what I “REALLY” NEED. This is what I found out:

I don’t need the two belts that go to my trench coats because I never belt coats.

I will never play my movie tapes because I don’t own a tape player.

6 white blouses, 3 by the same maker, are 3 too many. My life will be just fine with 3.

The too-high, brown boots I bought 2 years ago when I forgot I’m over fifty and have tender feet–I will never wear…maybe some young gal can wear them and have fun.

I don’t need 2 briefcases…since I’m “retired” …maybe I don’t need one!

So empty picture frames, extra wine glasses … my life will go on without them.

Three candle holders are enough for any family…the other three can make some other home bright.

The “cleaning out” was a wonderful experience. I found out I hang on to things because I think “What if I need this some day?” Too hell with that. I won’t need it! Need is different than want.

I’m still rejoicing in my continuing minimal lifestyle.

And by the way the drive to the Goodwill was delightful.

Retirement update: One of the things I wanted to do in retirement was to entertain more. Well, Sunday I’m throwing a cocktail party for my husband’s woodworking friends. Wish me luck…I’m not the best at this. Yikes. Where do you find cocktail weenies in the grocery store?

Mary L. Schramski, Ph.D.,
Author/Writer Consultant
http://www.sterlingpen.net
http://www.maryschramski.com

Jenny and Mary are multi-published writers who love to blog about their crazy lives because after 40 life is another story. http://www.menopausemusing.com

Presented by In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40.

by Robin Gorman Newman

Earlier this week, I attended a luncheon gathering of some interesting older women writers in my town. I love being with upbeat elderly people, women in particular. There’s so much to be said for learning from the experiences of others, especially those who have lived longer than you. I try to soak in their wisdom like a sponge. Such a yest for life which knows no age. And why should it?!

I was speaking on the phone with a friend today who is in her 50s (but doesn’t look it)…and she said that she has been asked how old she is, and she’s coined the response, “Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted.”

I LOVE that. And, I’m going to borrow it, I let her know. She laughed.

Her philosophy, and I agree, is that anything is possible in life. Getting caught up in age can potentially lead to self-limiting beliefs. Expectations…or lack thereof. And, either way, why should we do that to ourselves? We deserve better.

I took an acting class this fall, and I just learned that the acting teacher is about to go on a trip to India to work in an orphanage. She recently celebrated her 70th birthday. She looks much younger, and, she’s never, to my knowledge, had plastic surgery. Not that I’m against it, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. (I’ve never done it.) At present, I prefer to go the healthy green tea route.

Certainly, as a later mom, especially if you’re feeling tired a lot, it’s easy to say that you have less energy now than you did when you were younger. But, what about mental energy? Are you doing things that are stimulating to you? Do you allow yourself some quality time with friends who really know you and you can share with in a way that feels authentic and meaningful? That in itself can be reinvigorating.

I just signed up to take two local adult ed classes starting in March, and I’m very much looking forward. One is called Writing from the Heart, which is taught by my former acting teacher. The other is an introduction to Tarot Card Reading. Just for fun! I’m curious. I’ve had my cards read in the past and have always been intrigued by it. It will get me thinking out of the box, for sure. And, the description says you will even learn how to read your own cards.

So, who knows what I’ll uncover in the cards? Though, I don’t really want to dwell too much on the future. I’d prefer to live fully today. And, I’m curious who will be in my classes. Since they’re offered midday during the week, my guess is that they will be popular with seniors. And, I welcome that with open arms.

PS — Our bloggers need your support. Take a quick second and cast a vote for us here. http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/index.aspx Scroll down to the 100s to find us on the list. Thanks!

Robin Gorman Newman
Author/Speaker/Relationship Coach
www.LoveCoach.com
Robin wears many hats. She is the author of “How to Meet a Mensch in New York” and “How to Marry a Mensch”, and has been seen on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Live at Five, CNN, among others. She has been featured in newspapers, magazines, and on radio shows worldwide as a relationship expert. She works as The Love Coach, and offers private consults and workshops to singles, helping them lead active social lives. She is also the founder of www.MotherhoodLater.com, a resource/community for those parenting later in life. Robin holds an MBA in Marketing and is a seasoned publicist and a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

Presented by In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40

The award winning and critically acclaimed documentary “Heart of Stone” is about turning around one of America’s most violent schools.

On the Tomatoes In the Trenches show we talk with accomplished director, Beth Toni Kruvant. The film powerfully tells the story of Weequahic High School in Newark, New Jersey which in 1960 was one of the top schools in America and by 2000 was one of the most violent schools, controlled by gangs.  The film follows the arrival of principal Ron Stone and his unconventional plan to turn the school around along with the help of a group of mostly older Jewish and young African American alums.

The Boston Herald said “Heart of Stone” is “Awe-inspiring… should be seen in every high school in the United States.” Kevin Thomas of the LA Times, a very tough critic, said it is “Deftly Structured, incisive and revealing, uplifting without ever glossing over grim realities.  ‘Heart of Stone’ offers a hard – won sense of hope and possibilities.”

These are just two of the many glowing reviews the film has garnered not to mention the many awards including the Slam Dance Film Festival Audience Award and the Kaiser Permanente “Thrive Award”. Words like probing, penetrating and powerful (the three p’s) have been used to describe this film and we couldn’t agree more.

“Heart of Stone” should be seen at every high school and by all the teachers and administrators that service the schools because this is the type of film that can have a powerful and positive impact beyond the movie theatre.

To find out more about this amazing film “Heart of Stone” and director Beth Kruvant’s Campaign Kinship please listen to the Tomatoes in the Trenches show. It is full of hope.

Debbie Zipp, for In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40

by Judith Drake

I listen to a radio program on Saturday morning that plays the top ten records from a year that the disc jockey pics for that morning, and he throws in some info on what was going on that year as well.

Last Saturday it was 1937, and I found one of the tidbits very interesting: a study in that year said that a family of four, in order to have a nice, middle-class life, would need to make $30 a week. – $30 a week!!!!!!!  And all I could think was….what has happened to us????

The recent Broadway production of “Ragtime” cost $8 million to produce.  AIG gave a $7 million pay package to its chief exec. CEO.  It cost $430 million to produce and market “Avatar”. – A movie, for gosh sakes!!!!!!  “Sherlock Holmes” had a $90 million production budget, “It’s Complicated” about $85 million, “Up In The Air” $25 million. – I repeat…movies!!!!!!! – And I just read that a 9.775 million dollar estate sold at a forclosure for $4 million. Ahhhhh. Only $4 million!!!!!

Meanwhile, among many other things affecting us real people, the minimum wage in CO droped three cents.  And I still sit here in a semi-stupor….WHAT HAS BECOME OF US??????  When did we become a nation of people who don’t give a damn about anything but money and possesions???  When did we talk everyone into believing that the only way to have a meaningful and good life was to be very, very rich, live in a huge house, own numeous cars, and have lots and lots of things?

I look at what we have become and I am very, very sad.  Shame on us all for accepting this nonsense!!

Judith back-to-basics Drake

Judith Well-Over-60-&-Lovin’-It Drake has been in the ‘Show Biz’ for 45 years, crossing paths with the likes of Mary Martin, Betty Grable, Cher & Calista Flockhart along the way, been a wife to Mr. Whipple and screamed for T-Mobile. Her priority now is as a producer with In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment network for women over 40 on the web.

Hair is a wonderful thing and we love having it, so facing hair loss can be devastating.

Approximately 20% of all women suffer from hair loss to some degree or the other, at some point in their lives and, unfortunately, are too embarrassed to talk about it. It is hard to know what to do when you notice your hair is thinning or falling out.  There is an overwhelming amount of products and services out there for hair loss not to mention all the conflicting opinions on what works and what doesn’t work. It is so confusing you may feel like just running out and picking up that wig you saw in the window. But don’t panic.

Today we’re airing out our follicles, throwing aside embarrassment and having an open and honest conversation with renowned hair loss expert Dr. Michael Lorin who is here to set us straight and arm us with the information we need to put us on the road to hair loss recovery.

Dr. Michael Lorin Reed is a board certified dermatologist with expertise in all things related to traditional skin health, but he is also a renowned expert in the field of hair loss. He has served for 25 years on the faculty of New York University, where he has directed the NYU hair loss clinic and the NYU hair transplant clinic. He has been featured on The View, MSNBC, and ABC News Tonight, quoted in The New York Times, Time Magazine, MSN, and Real Simple Magazine, among others, and has lectured and published extensively on the subject of skin and hair disorders. His most recent book is Women’s Hair Loss: The Hidden Epidemic, an expert physician’s strategic guide for women who suffer from (or live in fear of) losing their hair. Dr. Michael Lorin Reed draws on his 30 years of experience and through his wit, knowledge, and compassion gives women hope and much-needed help in the struggle against this little discussed – but very real – epidemic.

What are the top “Big Three” conditions of hair loss?  Is frequent washing good or bad? What can you do to prevent hair loss?

Listen to the “Tomatoes In the Trenches” show where we get to the root of many hair problems with Dr. Reed.  Blog Talk Radio: Tomatoes in the Trenches, 1/20/10

Debbie Zipp, for In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40

by The MidLife Gals

…and then there are two dateless boomer sisters on Valentine’s Day:

The Midlife Gals®: Kelly Jackson (KK) and Sally Jackson (SalGal) are two middle-aged sisters in Austin, Texas. Their weekly blog consists of a cast of characters from their mother, The Ancient One, to their cats, a garden full of plants with stupid names, their BFF and observations about their profane, insane comedic outlook on just about everything. Think The Smothers Brothers with bosoms, Lucy and Ethel after those deadbeats, Ricky and Fred…you get the idea.
www.themidlifegals.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheMidlifeGals

Presented by In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40

by Jenny Archer

Some friends invited my husband and me to go with them to hear a local band play in a bar downtown last weekend. They knew the band’s drummer and he had been asking them to come to one of his gigs. Our friends told us this particular band plays the blues and old rock — two of my favorite music genres.

Although I enjoy hearing live music, I rarely go to bars anymore to hear it, and when we arrived I was reminded why I stopped going. My city isn’t smoke-free, and I can’t stand the cigarette smoke stench. Unlike the bars, most of the restaurants here don’t allow smoking anymore, and some of them feature live music on certain nights of the week, so that’s where I usually go now to hear my favorite local singers and bands. Anyway, I held my breath and we sat at a table midway from the stage. The place wasn’t very crowded at first, and it was fun to be out somewhere different for a change. The drummer was as old as me or older, and in addition to drumming, he sang with a really good bluesy voice. The rest of his band, however, were probably half his age, and as the night wore on and more and more people arrived, I noticed that most of them were also in their mid to late twenties.

A good friend once told me that once you reach the age of 50, 80% of the population doesn’t even see you anymore — it’s as if you cease to exist — and that certainly seemed true on this night. No one paid much attention to our table of baby boomers, so I sat back, sipped my Blue Moon and had fun people-watching. I discovered that not much has changed in bars over the years. There were the guys just there to drink, listen to the music, and have a good time with their buddies, the guys looking for someone to pick up, the girls there to dance and have fun, and the girls on the make. I saw a group of the latter come in dressed like Sex and the City wannabes but not quite pulling it off. One poor girl strutted in wearing a mini-skirt so tight and heels so high her legs were wobbling. Right in the middle of the room, she fell off her leopard print spiked heel! I felt a twinge of pity for her, but it was funny, too!

I knew it was time to get the hell out of Dodge when I looked up and one of my 23 year old son’s best friends was standing in front of our table staring down at me with a smirk on his face. Sheesh. I clearly remember helping this kid find something to do when I volunteered in the kindergarten computer lab 18 years ago. He was so smart, he finished his work in half the time everyone else did. He’s about to start medical school now.

As I left the bar a short time later (coughing), I recalled the older women I used to see out when I was doing the bar scene in my twenties, and I remembered thinking, God, look at that pathetic, wrinkled up old bar fly. How sad.

That’s when I realized my friend wasn’t entirely right; younger people do notice those of us who are 50 and above. Flapping my wings, I buzzed home to take a shower and wash off the evidence of my night in twenty-something-ville. Sigh. This barfly ain’t smokin’ no more. Cough. Cough.

Jenny Archer
Multi-Published Author

Jenny and Mary are multi-published writers who love to blog about their crazy lives because after 40 life is another story. http://www.menopausemusing.com

Presented by In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40.

by Robin Gorman Newman

I got my lower left wisdom tooth pulled this week. A filling had cracked, and I was advised to take it out.

Years ago, I had had four adult teeth pulled when I was getting braces, and I survived. I had totally forgotten that I also had my lower right wisdom pulled decades ago. I have a vague recollection that it was coming in crooked.

I know in the scheme of things health wise, the tooth pulling this week was thankfully not a big one, yet I found myself feeling uptight about it. Especially, when the dentist gave me the lengthy list of the potential aftermath that I might experience, however unlikely, that I had to sign off on. Who would want to get a tooth pulled after reading all that?! I wanted to bolt from the chair immediately, but the assistant came in and reassured me it was standard procedure.

Once the procedure was over and I was all numbed up from novacaine and on Motrin, I did some thinking.

Why was I so nervous? It was only a tooth.

I do have discomfort and a mild headache from it, but it will pass. And, ok, I’m eating just yogurt and sugar free jello right now, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

This procedure pushed a button. A fear button in me. And, one of control. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I feel more vulnerable, yet at the same time, protective of my body. In my 20s, I didn’t much think about it. Perhaps I felt invincible at the time? Now, I don’t.

A number of years ago, I had a scary health scenario that ultimately turned out ok, but it left me with huge trepidation when it comes to doctors….or anyone in the medical profession. I want my body poked and prodded as little as possible by anyone in a white jacket bearing instruments or instrumentalia (as I said jokingly to a friend the other day).

I am appreciative for good medical care, but I’d prefer not to need it.

I recently saw the comedian Susie Essman perform at a very cool event in NYC called Women Who Write. She was hysterical, as she read from her new book (currently featured on the home page of MotherhoodLater.com). I felt like the words were coming out of my mouth, as I think many in the audience did. Susie is in her 50s and admits to often thinking she has diseases when she learns of someone who contracted it. Even if it’s prostate cancer. LOL. I have been known, at times, I admit it….to refer to WebMd to look up symptoms I have in the search of self diagnosis. Sometimes it’s calming, and other times it gets the wheels turning even further anxiously in my head.

Fortunately, I don’t do this with my son. Although, when he recently was put on Tamiflu, I did read up on it a bit. Being informed is a good thing. Being overly fearful when it’s not warranted isn’t.

I certainly don’t want Seth to know I do this….or to have health fears himself. I don’t want this to rub off on him. My husband is not this way.

Is it a female thing?

Is it life as a 40 something female thing?

Is it life as a 40 something peri-menopausal female thing?

Perhaps all of the above.

I wish I could return to my more fearless 20-something self. But, we can’t turn back the hands of time. And, like it or not, we need doctors, dentists, etc. I was not in a position to pull my own tooth…though my son probably would have taken great pleasure in rising to the occasion for me. He was quick to take out his toy medical kit when I got home. And, he was hugely disappointed when I told him I didn’t have the pulled tooth. He asked why? Who knew it would be such a letdown for him not to see my cracked, cavity filled tooth?! If there is a next time (I have two remaining wisdom teeth), I’ll know better.

He really is all boy. Perhaps a little dentist in the making? While I’m not so sure of that, I do appreciate his concern for my welfare and his curiosity about the human body.

Robin Gorman Newman
Author/Speaker/Relationship Coach
www.LoveCoach.com
Robin wears many hats. She is the author of “How to Meet a Mensch in New York” and “How to Marry a Mensch”, and has been seen on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Live at Five, CNN, among others. She has been featured in newspapers, magazines, and on radio shows worldwide as a relationship expert. She works as The Love Coach, and offers private consults and workshops to singles, helping them lead active social lives. She is also the founder of www.MotherhoodLater.com, a resource/community for those parenting later in life. Robin holds an MBA in Marketing and is a seasoned publicist and a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

Presented by In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40