Women Over 40 Rock!

The empty nest is suddenly approaching. How will I feel? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? The answer is in the Teddy Bear Store. My daughter just turned 21. My son is 16 1/2. I am 54. Hmmmm. Are they old or am I? I guess it depends on your point of view. But no matter what my age the empty nest syndrome is quickly approaching. I have had to start thinking about the empty house in my future. How will I feel when their bedrooms are empty and devoid of the sounds of life of the ones so precious to me, no matter how annoying a few of those sounds are?. . . Their faces won’t be readily available to kiss, or their bodies always there to hug everyday. Or when I no longer HAVE to get up or stay awake for them, or work my day around pickups???..the list is endless. How will my heart feel when I am no longer needed in that way?? And of course there is also how I will feel about the empty nest when I no longer have to pick up the endless crap around the house and scream that I am not a servant! When I no longer have to argue about grades and responsibility and impress upon them that I am not a servant and or doormat. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It could go both ways, I guess. However since the prices of apartments in Los Angeles are so astronomical how can a young person afford to strike out on their own? Perhaps we will end up like the Walton’s and the house will be filled with our kids and the grandkids and me and my husband and all the doggies and fishies. My husband and I will just take a lot of trips. And this too could be a good thing or a bad thing. It could go both ways. Anyway I digress. My daughter is turning 21 and my son wants to get her something for her birthday and he is having a terrible time at the mall deciding. Boy I hate that. Malls, teenage boys and tough shopping decisions. How will I feel about not having to do THIS anymore? Well, we passed one of those teddy bear stores and his shopping block ended. You know… the stores where you pick a bear, they stuff it, put a heart in it and it is born? You get a birth certificate, you name it and pick a stunning wardrobe for it, and lots of other stuff, so by the time you are out of there you have created a bear that only Donald Trump could afford for his daughter. Well I watched my 6.1 ft 16 year old son pick out the bear with great care, and even the panties (about $5 for those and I don’t even spend that on my own panties!). And suddenly I saw him, with complete ease and a little gleam in is eye, turn around and jump up and down and do an entire routine, usually done only by 4 year olds, to bring the newly stuffed bear’s heart to life! That memory was instantly stamped into my brain and heart, and will live there forever and ever. THIS is what I will miss. These unforgettable moments. Not just the daily give and take, kissing and yelling, but this…these unexpected, unrepeatable delightful moments. So even though my children are slipping away because they are maturing so fast (and that is a good thing) and will not need me in the same way (if I’ve done my job properly) they are, and will forever be, in my heart. All that they were as children and all that they are becoming are there in plain sight for me. The big memories like this or the little ones. I may have forgotten a lot at this age and I may forget more (I like to blame it on menopause not age) but there are some memories that stick like Elmer’s. My son’s happiness when doing something special for his sister will stick. Enough will stick. My heart is the real home where my children will always be no matter where they happen to live. I think those kind of memories rest in your heart, not your brain, because that is where they will be safe. I may have an empty nest, but I will never, ever, have an empty heart. Of course I am kind of leaning towards the Walton’s idea, and perhaps a grandchild or two (eegads! not now but later) to take, hand in hand, to the Teddy Bear store, where I will watch them dance with glee as I hold back tears of joy.
Debbie Zipp, In The Trenches Productions

Okay, okay, I admit it –I’m over 50 now, but it started in my 40’s. I used to hate walking down a street and getting whistles and other immature gestures from the men around me (again, I admit it - there were never hundreds, but…) when the whistles came less and less and finally disappeared altogether, yes, I missed them. “ What changed?” I would ask myself as I slowly noticed I was becoming invisible. I still feel so young and vital and it was all so subtle. But then one day I had the strong realization that I was no longer who I thought I was. Where did that young woman go? Who was that in the mirror? That looks like my mother. But she is back in Kansas. Was the lack of whistles making me question my worth because I was gingerly entering middle age? I saw myself one way but the world obviously saw me a different way or didn’t see me at all. I was okay with getting older —I thought. But it didn’t seem to be okay with the rest of the world. And since it isn’t okay with the rest of the world I guess it isn’t okay with me. It wasn’t just the bruised ego (okay I admit it —I’m vain) that was affecting me but it was something much more important and elemental. My work. My career took a BIG hit. Now it wasn’t just about my vain ego, but the house payments, the kids’ schools, even my hair dresser…in other words, my mere survival. It was the inability to fulfill myself in my work AND pay the bills! Just as the whistles slowly disappeared and my self worth went with it the opportunities for work started to fade away as well. I was fading away. It was a shock. I had never imagined not being able to make a living because of my age. How naïve of me. So after a period of self-pity, loss, confusion, some facial exercises and failed attempts at the gym the “boomer” took over. Boomers don’t just sit back and take it. They DO something about it. So why on earth should I fade away now, when I feel full of more possibilities and ideas and goals than I ever did in my tunnel vision focused youth.

Luckily, oops I mean sadly, there were a lot of girlfriends in the same boat and we decided to team up to find a way to empower ourselves. Thus, the old cliché, REINVENT YOURSELF became very valuable to us. It was a revelation to discover and learn new things. It isn’t easy to find a new passionate purpose at this age but after many different paths were tried, investigated, invested in we did find a way to use our collective skills, talent, vast knowledge and wisdom to DREAM A NEW DREAM…Together! I highly recommend it. Of course the road is never easy but the journey wouldn’t be fun if it weren’t challenging. And it is challenging in a big way. And it is challenging to feel beautiful at this age. But being part of a team of friends helps meet all the challenges. We keep telling each other how good each one of us looks without plastic surgery. And I’m trying to get to know that stranger in the mirror. It is time to get to know her and concentrate on what I like about her. Embracing ourselves as we are now and finding beauty in that and beauty in all the wisdom, strength, knowledge, experience and knowledge we possess at this age will empower us so we won’t need the whistle from the street anymore because we will have found it within ourselves. Then the world will finally take notice and see us as we should be seen. Beautiful and Powerful Women Over 40!