Women Over 40 Rock!

I have seen various versions of these translations of woman-speak over the last year, and thought it would be a nice thing to do to put it into a succinct list that we may all give our spouses/significant others/best friends to help us avoid misunderstandings in the future and thereby lead to more pleasant and un-rocky relationships.  It could be handed over on a birthday, an anniversary of some sort, an evening on the patio or any pleasant occasion as a sign of our sincere efforts to keep our relationships on a high and smiley level:

DEAR LOVED ONE, FOR YOUR EYES ONLY - WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY:
1. “Fine” - what I say when I am right and you are wrong and it is time for you to shut the heck up.
2. “Five Minutes” - If I’m getting dressed, this means half an hour. It really is five minutes, however, if I
just gave you five more minutes to continue whatever you were doing.
3. “Nothing” - what I really mean is something, and you should pay attention. As you well know,
arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine” (see above for translation of “fine”)!
4. “Go Ahead” - I am not giving you permission, I am daring you. Don’t do it, whatever it is!!
5.  Loud Sigh - This is a non-verbal statement that you frequently don’t understand. A loud sigh means I
think  you are an idiot and I wonder why I’m standing there arguing with you about “nothing”. (Refer to #3
for the meaning of nothing.)
6. “That’s Okay” - This is one of the most dangerous statements I can make to you. “That’s okay” means
I want to think long and hard before I decide how and when you will pay for the mistake you’ve made.
7. “Thanks” - If I thank you don’t question it, or look shocked. Simply say “you’re welcome.” (UNLESS I say
“Thanks a lot”…this will be pure sarcasm and I will not be thanking you at all. In this case DO NOT
say ‘you’re welcome’…that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
8. “Whatever” - This is my way of saying “Drop Dead!”
9. “Don’t Worry About It, I Got It” - This means it is something I have told you to do a hundred times
and am now doing it myself. After watching my behavior for the rest of the day you might wish to
ask “What’s wrong?” For the interpretation of my answer to this ridiculous question, check out
#3.

There. Now I hope that I have helped you and your companion avoid numerous future misunderstandings, and that you will have a long and happy relationship.
Judith tell-us-what-it-means Drake, blogger for In the Trenches Productions.Com, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

 I just checked out THE THREE TOMATOES web site, a weekly e-newsletter started by (who else?) three ‘tomatoes’ who, like us at In The Trenches, were sick and tired of being ignored by the marketing world. I discovered that I too am a Tomato (delicious and attractive) after checking out their “You know you’re a tomato if…” list. I’m sure I would be able to say “yes” to the entire list, but stopped after seeing ‘You are a tomato if the first time you wore a garter belt and stockings was because they hadn’t invented pantyhose.” That brought vivid memories back, believe me, and I’m glad those days as a twelve year old breaking out in sweat yanking up stockings…frequently punching thumb holes in them…and dealing with garter belts that were either too tight or two loose and slipping down my tummy, at least gave me a resume to be a tomato, because those were not my most favorite of times.

They say that their free newsletter is a ‘guide to the best of everything for women who aren’t kids’, and while they gear a great deal of their info to our fellow tomatoes in NYC (reviewing Broadway shows, events, etc.), they have plenty of good stuff for the rest of us too. You can join in the current book club discussion, check out the monthly horoscopes, writings on fashion, beauty and health, travel, pets, money, food, wine, relationships and feng shui. You can ‘Ask The Experts’ about careers, check out movie reviews, and appreciate any number of ‘musings’ on all sorts of subjects.

Go see for yourself….’cause its a lot of fun, and you’re probably a tomato too!

Judith Tomato-Is-My-Middle-Name Drake, blogger for In the Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

Claire’s Corner

I am always looking for little places in my mind that give me a calmness.  I can sometimes transfer that feeling by having conversations with friends or by doing certain protocols.  I call this comfort zone, Claire’s Corner. I need to recede to this area several times a day in order to have a successful day.  Finding this peace  helps me.

Who would ever think that by reading obituaries I find that sense of well being, but I do.  Not only do I often find joy in reading them but I can usually be inspired by them as well.  The way I do it, it’s not morbid at all. Of course there are certain rules that I ALWAYS follow:
1.   I always look at the dates first. It matters when the person was born.  The deceased always has to be born in the year 1928 or earlier. Therefore they are 80 years old or older.  Don’t get me wrong I am not necessarily saying that the person is old, only that they have had a real chance at living.  It’s important that the obituary is a celebration of life and not a tremendous sadness.
2.   I also prefer reading about women more than men and not just because I am part of an entertainment network on the Web that focuses on women over 40. It’s because, for the most part, women had it harder than men in that same time period.  And certainly harder than the women of today.  So their life stories are filled with struggles and obstacles that needed to be addressed and over come.  So their biographies are interesting and stimulating.
3.   It helps if you can read obituaries from fairly large cities because the quality of the reporter writing them is usually better.  Most young journalists have to start their careers writing obits. Also in a larger city if someone has a long obituary in the paper they probably had a pretty interesting life.

Let me give you an example:  In today’s LA Times, Sept.21,2008, there was an obituary for Mary Garber, 1926-2008.  She was a pioneering sports journalist. Mary loved journalism and sports and she wanted so badly to combine the two. But in the early 40’s women didn’t write about sports so she was relegated  to fashion.  But she never stopped talking about sports.  Finally the editor of the Twin City Sentinel in Winston-Salem, N. C., moved her from fashion to sports because she knew more about football and basketball than any man working on the paper. She continued to report on athletics for more than 40 years, paving the way for hundreds of female sportswriters.  Garber is the only woman to win sports journalism’s highest honor, the Red Smith Award given annually by the Associated Press Editors. She wrote about men’s sports as well as women’s.  She also routinely reported on black high schools and colleges when those teams were largely ignored by mainstream newspapers. She always went out of her way to make sure that everyone got a fair shake. Garber liked to tell the anecdote that a friend witnessed in the grandstands at a soapbox derby.  A young black child pointed Garber out to his friend and said, “That’s Miss Mary Garber.  And she don’t care who you are or where you’re from or what your are.  If you do something, she’s going to write about you.”

Claire Callaway, blogger for In the Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

I heard it the other day.  A financial expert warned that the U.S. is on it’s way to becoming a banana republic.  Did you ever think this could happen in your lifetime?  No, never.  I remember hearing in 2004 that the only thing buoying up the U.S. economy was the housing market.  A few wise souls uttered warnings that the bubble would burst, but they were quickly silenced by the twin voices of greed and short term profits.  All those risky securities, based on sub prime housing loans, were bundled together and floated down the river called De-Nial.   Many new home owners also blithely floated along, using their new property as their very own ATM machine. Thousands of   “I’ve got mine” moments played out across the country.   Well, the river dried up and those bundled securities have turned into the angry Wall Street Hulk, and he’s gone amok tearing up the Street and your wallet.  By the way, what’s in your portfolio – not much, right?  .

I understand that a vibrant economy needs to encourage a certain amount of risk in order for it to thrive.  But taking away too many regulations is like a parent spoiling a child and then wondering why the tantrums can’t be stopped.  We need a sensible Brit, a financial Nanny, like Barclays Bank, which might help out ailing Lehman Brothers.  But Barclays Bank is having second thoughts on that assist.  Where have all of our sensible financial experts gone?  Don’t large financial institutions have risk management departments?   What’s going on?!  When the government did the first massive bailout of Bear Stearns, it was said this had to be done to avoid a collapse of the entire financial world.  Hello, the bailout happened, and the patient is still hemorrhaging.

Share the risks but not the profits.  That’s how it works for not only Bear Stearns, but Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and now AIG.  How would you like to run your business like that?  Wouldn’t it be great!   Do all sorts of risky moves and when they work out you get to keep all the profits but when they fail you’ve got millions of tax payers ready to bail you out!  Of course those of us on the bail out committee have no choice in this matter.  Maybe this disaster will wake us all up as to how our tax dollars are being spent.  Maybe the there will be a revolt.

Here’s the latest from the Treasury Department Undertaker, Henry Paulsen, - it’ll cost as much as $1 Trillion to avoid an imminent meltdown of the U.S. financial system.  In Huffington Post on September 19, Jeannine Aversa and Julie Hirschfeld Davis report that the Bush administration has outlined a program that could cost taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars to buy up bad mortgages and other toxic debt that has unhinged Wall Street.  Federal Reserve Embalmer Ben Bernanke acknowledged that the program will put “a significant amount of taxpayers’ money on the line.”

Now that’s shock and awe!

Jan Bina, blogger for In the Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

HOUNDOG / Don’t listen to the controversy!

Why the heck is there so much controversy around HOUNDOG? I don’t get it.  Have the naysayers seen the film???? Probably not. It is unfortunate that this film has taken so much abuse that has absolutely nothing to do with the quality or the poignant message of the film.

I watched this film last night and was deeply moved and saddened by this thoughtful, TASTEFUL, honest and yes… harsh film. The filmmaker has artfully spun this tale with rich, complex, and flawed characters while creating an environment so real you can almost breathe in the stale and suffocating air surrounding so much misery. All the performances are stunning and Dakota Fanning’s portrayal is obviously Oscar worthy.  HOUNDOG is in your face and speaks the truth without sentimentality and melodrama. The script is simple and selective, allowing the moments of revelation to sneak up on you so you can experience the full impact of this courageous and important film.

HOUNDOG centers around a 12 year old girl’s life during the height of Elvis’s fame and the suffering she endures because of neglect, abuse, poverty, betrayal and finally her rape which silences her beautiful voice and threatens her survival. She is the victim of what the director calls “motherless” adults and she is motherless as well, trying to fill the emptiness she feels through her singing and idolization of Elvis Presley.  I felt enraged and deeply saddened by the world this child must endure.  So even if it is hard to watch we MUST watch. This film will not let you forget that this girl represents the millions of children in this country that are victims of unspeakable abuse.  We must soak it in and let this well crafted, well-written and thought- provoking film lead the way in making child abuse a top priority in this country.

This film is worth seeing. Don’t listen to the naysayers and give it a chance and make up your own mind. We wouldn’t be reviewing it if there weren’t a woman or women over 40 involved.  Deborah Kampmeier, who is over 40, wrote, directed and produced HOUNDOG. Give the women involved in the creation of this film a chance. I don’t understand the controversy surrounding it. Because of this controversy the film has a limited release.  So make a difference this weekend and check your local movie listings to see if HOUNDOG is playing in a theatre near you  and go see it. Remember the opening weekend (Sept 19th) is a pivotal time for the fate of a movie.

Debbie Zipp, blogger for IN THE TRENCHES PRODUCTIONS, The First Entertainment Website for 40 over 40

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: In The Trenches Productions

Girl-Tox Cosmetics Introduces New Product Line for Children

Santa Monica, CA — September 2008 — Girl-Tox Cosmetics, an innovative new product line designed exclusively for children under age ten, is now available at a finer department stores near you.

At last, you can begin your daughter’s beauty regimen while she’s still in diapers! Ensure your little girl’s popularity and self-confidence now. Don’t take a chance on her future happiness! Stop those wrinkles before they appear! As your little sweetheart grows, you can solidify that fresh look with Princess Delusional Sealant, virtually freezing her face in time.

Remember, the earlier you begin, the better the results! Don’t delay… introduce your daughter to the wonders of narcissism now, with Girl-Tox Cosmetics.

For information: In The Trenches Productions

# # #

We’re kidding, of course. If you haven’t visited our website lately, take a moment to visit In The Trenches Productions and enjoy our new short video, Girl-Tox, a tongue-in-cheek look at an out-of-control phenomenon… modern society’s shallow quest for physical perfection.

Our website is frequently updated with new material for you to enjoy and share. Relax, put your feet up and check out our other original videos:

Living Large with Less — This 10-minute film pokes fun at the serious business of corporate downsizing. How bad can it be, when along with your pink slip, you are given a book titled “101 Ways to Save Money?” Buck up!

Believe It Baby! — “It’s not about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself.” This is but one sample of the words of wisdom, grace, and humor you will hear in this five-minute film. In a few short minutes, these women — some you will recognize, some you won’t — will take you on a journey of discovery and self-awareness. Some woman state, rather convincingly, “I believe I am beautiful,” while others hesitate before uttering those words. By the time the closing credits roll, you will find yourself smiling and agreeing, wishing you could spend some time over lunch with this group. Women of all ages and, yes, men too, will enjoy this thought-provoking short film.

A Host of Trouble –  Being a good catholic girl has brought 8-year old Harriet Weber nothing but trouble. This amusing 15-minute film opens with her lament, “My nightmare was my mother’s dream… to have a daughter in the convent.”

The Forgotten Grave — We all know that during the civil war, women worked as nurses, cooks, and spies. But here is a piece of history you may not have been taught in school. There are 400-recorded cases of women who disguised themselves as men in order to become soldiers in the civil war. Please take in our 10-minute tribute to these brave women, who deserve their place of honor in history.

Our series, Transitions, profiles ordinary women who have made midlife changes due to necessity, or passion, or both. Somewhere along the way they have discovered that they are anything but ordinary. These short, bittersweet tales will leave you feeling inspired and empowered. You just might want to start thinking about your own transition, and the strength you never knew you had.

If you enjoy our posts, click the “Get My Widget for Your Site” icon on the right sidebar of this blog’s home page. In just a few simple steps, you can install the attractive widget on your own website or blog, bringing our feed directly to you and your readers!

And don’t be shy. We love hearing from you. Keep those comments coming!

Posted by Mandy Crest, Blogger for In The Trenches Productions, the first entertainment website for women over 40!

CLAIRE’S CORNER

I have developed a little space for my self called Claire’s Corner.  It’s in my brain and I am going to refer to it when I need it to: feel better about myself, smarter about myself, as well as hopeful, loving, healthy, and creative by myself. It’s a private club and I am the only member and I have nothing to prove except to myself. And I am not going to let it be judgemental about me.

Why and How did this happen you might ask.  Over the weekend I read a book  THE UNCOMMON READER by Alan Bennett.  ( the main character is a female over 40–yeah).  It’s a little book with a lot of punch and I would recommend it highly to anyone who is interested in learning. In this world of modern technology, that can sometimes feel beyond total comprehension, it’s a good feeling to know that reading and writing and the desire to learn anything new, especially at a late date, is a great feat to try and achieve.

I  learned a new word in the book, THE UNCOMMON READER.  It is Opsimath.  From the dictionary, Opsimath: one who learns only late in life. That is what happens to the main character in the book. She learns late in life so many new things and with such zeal that it was truly inspirational to me.  I want to be like her. Sometimes I feel that I am too old to really accomplish anything significant.  But that doesn’t have to be true.  Yes we have always heard about the Grandma Moses example but that kind of significance is difficult at any age. Choose what is significant to you: reading more, writing more, learning a new language, exercising more, getting into gourmet cooking or WHATEVER and see where it takes you. Maybe it is just learning a new word a week or a day.  That’s where I am starting out from, and my word is Opsimath.

I have been called a few things in my day but being called an Opsimath  wouldn’t bother me, in fact I would love it. To keep learning late in life is something to strive for because it takes courage and strength. You might learn about something that will help the world, your family, or just yourself. Maybe you will have to go to your private corner, like me, to get started. Even if I never move out of it, I will like myself and my life better.  And as we have always heard, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

Claire Callaway, Blogger for In the Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40 on the web

S-l-o-o-o-w-l-y but surely….things do begin  to change. Just read some good news about us ‘ladies in the biz’. Evidently,  according to a report released by the Center for the Study of Women in TV  and Film at San Diego State University (and what a GREAT ‘Center’ to have!)   the percentage of female characters in prime-time TV series was at a  record-high 43% for the 2006-07 season. That’s 1% higher than it was a year  earlier. Okay, okay, I know…1% ain’t the greatest, BUT…it’s UP!!!  And while I would prefer it to have been up 10%, I’ll take  it.

Unfortunately the report also found that the numbers of  women working on those shows as creators, executive producers, producers,  directors, writers, editors and directors of photography had remained the  same as the preceding season, i.e. 26%.  So we still have work to  do.

Hopefully things like us helping keep “Mamma Mia” on the  top ten list all these weeks will help. Maybe the powers that be are  actually beginning to wake up to the fact that when they present products  with women in the leads, especially women over 40, there are millions  of us who will come out and watch them. - “The Women” is invading movie theatres with Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Debra Messing, Bette Midler, Candice  Bergen and Cloris Leachman among others, and hopefully we will make this the  next “Mamma Mia” and once again show our clout.

And not only  on the Big Screen, either. I’m sure we’ll all be watching the wonderful  Shirley MacLaine in the Lifetime channel movie about Coco Chanel. I can’t  wait, personally.

Give us the entertainment we crave, i.e.  good, intelligent, fun films and tv shows with older women, and we’ll be  there! We do exist, we do have money, and we do count!!!

Judith  more-women-in-film-please Drake, blogger for In the Trenches Productions.com, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40 on the web

    Lately it seems that everytime I look at a tv show, a movie, or commercial I see some obviously well-known actress I can’t recognize, and it drives me crazy to spend the next ten minutes trying to remember who they are.  The faces that helped make them famous just aren’t there anymore.  They’re over 40, but their faces show not a scintilla of having lived…no thoughtfulnes, no empathy, no laughter…nothing.  Just a taut, emotionless, personality-less painting standing in for a face.  Okay, maybe working on our new short film “Girl Tox” (which luckily you’ll be able to see and enjoy here on our site soon) made me more aware of this, but this body-must-be-perfect disease seems to be worse than ever.

So imagine how pleased I was to see something about real people dealing with real bodies the other day when I recieved a DVD of a little indy film that I had done a minor bit in…”DISFIGURED”.

Written and directed by Glenn Gers, this touching and funny film tells the story of two women trying to come to grips with their own bodies. (Glenn was one of only two men on the set..the other ‘token guy’ was the P.A. with our 99% female crew) One of these main characters is Lydia, played by Deidra Edwards (in Rex Reeds’ review he says she’s a “radiant new star..real, unpretentious and charasmatic”), a fat woman trying to exist in fashionable Venice Beach. And believe me, as a woman who has spent 60 years dealing with life in Fatville, you’ll never find a more realistic picture of this daunting task that more than a few of us face daily. The other woman, Darcy, played equally beautifully by Staci Lawrence, is a recovering anorexic.  Watching these two characters meet up and struggle with their complex, and surprisingly similar issues with their bodies and the world around them, was a real treat.  Would that all of us could see ourselves as we really are and find ways to improve and accept what we see without turning ourselves into immovable pieces of art work.
You’d never believe that this full length film was shot in just 15 days with 2 cannon XL2 mini DV cameras. Awesome! It’s already been the winner of the Grand Jury Prize at the Dead Center Film Festival, and hopefully it’ll get a lot more notice.  If you’re interested in finding out more about what Steve Rhodes of InternetReviews.com calls “..a delightful and honest story, full of poignant and humorous moments”, check out their site: www.disfiguredmovie.com  .  If you, like so many of us, have more often than not felt like ‘you just dont fit in’, you’ll appreciate it.
Thanks, Mr. Gers.

Judith Fat-&-Facing-It Drake, In The Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

Not long ago, in a used book store, I found a copy of Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, a favorite from my childhood.  Looking at one of the pastel illustrations transported me back to cherished evenings when my mom would read to the five of us.  My mom, an avid reader, passed her love of books on to us.  But during high school, I got away from reading, claiming the smell in the public library gave me a headache.  Instead of reading, in my spare time I went to charm school to learn how to act like a lady.  I still remember the six point strategy for sitting onto a chair while wearing a skinny skirt and three inch heels.  This was the early ‘60’s and we were corseted like the women on Mad Men.  I religiously practiced the sitting exercise, preparing for what I hoped would be a life in high society.

When I got some sense, I re-discovered the joys of fiction.  Today one of my favorite authors is Anthony Trollope, an English novelist who wrote from 1845 to 1882.  He is a master story teller with a brilliant ear for dialogue, which is frequently ‘laugh out loud’ funny.  I especially enjoy his many strong female characters who reflect his sensitivity to the conflicts felt by women in Victorian society.  His women are always trying to better their situation in life and butt up against restrictions imposed by class.  His mother, Frances Trollope, a popular novelist, might have inspired many of his female characters.  She went against convention, supporting the family with her writing after her husband brought them to financial ruin.

One of Anthony Trollope’s best is the satirical novel, The Way We Live Now, written in 1875.  It deals with themes that could have been ripped from today’s headlines: financial scandals; reprobate society boys; a wealthy heiress looking a husband with a title; and the nobility’s reluctance to accept the nouveau riche merchant class.  Thrown into this mix is the charming but desperate character, Lady Carbury.  Trollope makes her a third rate novelist, clinging to appearances as her funds dry up.  You cringe as she clumsily tries to seduce an unappealing reviewer into giving her positive reviews.  What money she does have is gambled away by her son, Felix, whom she’s indulged and spoiled.  But she still has her title and tries to use it as bargaining chip to marry Felix off to a rich heiress so his cushy life will continue.  Sir Felix sleeps till mid-day, then heads to his gentleman’s club to dine and gamble, staggering home at 5 AM.  I was reading this when own son was 19, having too many all night adventures and testing the limits of our patience.  Many a night I sat up waiting for his return, feeling just like Lady Carbury.   Even though you hate the way she fawns over her handsome do-nothing son, you understand her misguided ways.   Who hasn’t indulged a child to improve their lot in life, only to be devastated by the results?

Lady Carbury is just one of the many flawed, but fascinating female characters living in Trollope’s novels.  I can relate to the desperate mother compensating for the errors of her child; and other characters, like the cold spinster who’s really just lonely; or the ingénue wanting to marry for love not status; and the relentlessly proselytizing firebrand, to name a few from his rich gallery of women.  Seeing myself in his women helps me laugh at my own foolishness.  As a young girl I aspired to be a Lady Carbury, going to charm school in case Jackie Kennedy should invite me to tea at The White House.
A good novel opens your heart to your past and present dreams.  No movie or TV show gives you that unique pleasure of blending your life with the lives marching off the page.  Diving into a Trollope novel is like boarding a time machine to walk the streets and country roads with the women of Victorian England.   It’s a trip well worth taking.

Jan Bina, blogger for In the Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40