Women Over 40 Rock!

Movies. Some are worth seeing twice. Some might even be worth seeing three times. Too many aren’t worth seeing at all. Now me — I like movies that tell a story I can believe. A story that says to me, “This is real,” even when I know it isn’t. A story so well told — with characters so utterly believable — that no matter how big the lie, I believe –  because I want to believe. After all, isn’t that why we go to movies in the first place? To find truth — in what are essentially lies.

We gather here at Women over 40 Rock! because we, as a group, also want to believe. We want to believe in Woman — in her indomitable spirit. In her – our — innate ability to overcome life’s obstacles and to persevere. We demonstrate this spirit in our everyday lives, mostly unnoticed, and too often in private. But every so often one of our own bursts forth with a talent that, when seen on the silver screen, seems so right — so raw and full of life — that we reach out our arms and pull the very essence of that character right into our souls so that it becomes, in some small way, a part of our collective consciousness.

This is a celebration of those women and, in the end, a personal recommendation of four movies that you simply must watch. For even if you’ve seen them before, each of these is one of those that you can see over and over again.

“Fasten your seat-belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

In the 1950 classic, All About Eve, Bette Davis, in a voice that can only be described as pure Bette Davis, delivered this line with the precision timing for which she was famous. From the first, it’s obvious she knows that, as a 40-year old actress, it’s time for her to step aside and make room for a fresher, younger face. But knowing something and doing something are oftentimes two very different things. Bette’s character isn’t ready to fade away… and we don’t want her to go. She’s wealthy, attractive, and successful, but we find ourselves rooting for her as if she were the some poor downtrodden underdog. It’s a foregone conclusion that she won’t win, but no matter, we cheer her on in her fight against age itself. You didn’t have to know Bette Davis to see how dearly she relished this role.

In 1981, Katharine Hepburn, 74, and Jane Fonda, 44, teamed up with Henry Fonda in the emotionally charged film, On Golden Pond. Playing mother and daughter, Katharine and Jane, tackled, along with Henry, Jane’s real-life father, such disturbing topics as aging and the inevitability a parent’s death. Together, they submerge us in the waters of unresolved family issues. Mother’s and daughter’s differing viewpoints drive this drama to its conclusion. Jane’s character, although grown with a son of her own, still sees the world from a child’s point-of-view. Her pain, and her inability to see her father for the gentle man he has become rather than the tyrant the child in her remembers, keeps her from getting closer to him in his final days. Katharine Hepburn is pure magic. As the older, wiser woman who loves her husband without reservation, she tries to help her daughter see things from another point of view. You will want to have a box of tissues nearby for this one.

Fried Green Tomatoes. What a title! Released in 1991, this is a story woven within a story. It delves deeply into the lives of four extraordinary women. Jessica Tandy, still absolutely beautiful at 82, gives an unforgettable performance as a nursing home resident who, by accident, meets and proceeds to captivate a new friend with her colorful tales of two women in 1920’s Alabama. Kathy Bates, 43, as Evelyn Couch, is a housewife in full-blown midlife crisis. Questioning her marriage, battling with her weight, and trying to figure out her place in the world, she finds new meaning in this older woman’s story, at first living vicariously through the two young women’s lives, but in actuality using those women to find, unmask, and reveal the true woman inside herself. This movie is about empowerment and personal growth.  In one scene, Evelyn’s spirited exchange with two young women over a parking space at the food store will delight every woman over the age of 40 who’s wanted to say and do the same thing when confronted with the rudeness of youth:

Evelyn: “Hey! I was waiting for that spot!”
Girl #1: “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster!”
With that, Evelyn rear-ends the other car. The girls react with amazement and a little fear…
Girl #1: “What are you doing?”
Girl #2: “Are you crazy?”
Evelyn, smiling:“Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”

Finally, who wouldn’t enjoy a night with the Calendar Girls? Helen Mirren heads an unforgettable cast of older women in this 2003 British film based on an actual event. Deeply moving while simultaneously humorous, this is one movie that’s in a league of its own. In the face of tragedy, some of the members of a conservative ladies’ club band together to raise money for charity. At first stumped for an idea, they hit upon the idea of creating a calendar. And what a calendar! They would use themselves as models — nude models. With both modesty and dignity intact, they set about their task while fighting the local powers-that-be in order to accomplish their goal. Along the way, they experience their share of disagreements and heartaches, but in the end they ultimately come together– out of love and out of friendship.

Bravo, Ladies– Bravo! Movies like these are Pure Entertainment. But Oh! — how they make us believe.

Now, would someone please pass the popcorn?

Posted by Mandy Crest, blogger for In The Trenches Productions, The First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40!

Here’s a nifty way to plan a fun get together with your women friends and re-live the pajama parties from your youth. I heard about this kind of party from a young woman I recently met. Every other month, she and her friends gather for an all day /overnight event. They cook up scrumptious dishes, drink great wine, gossip and watch films. A spin on this is to create your own DVD women’s film festival. The film line-up could be Best Actress Oscar winning performances, or an all female comedy night or a collection of films either written or directed by women. Plan the meals around the films. So, while serving up fantastic Italian dishes you could check out the wonderful divas of Italian cinema. I am planning my first PJ party/DVD women’s festival around my favorite Indian women film makers. For food, I’ll be whipping up a curried chicken salad. Ina Garten has a tasty recipe: Google - Ina Garten’s curried chicken salad. The films on my menu are: Mira Nair’s MONSOON WEDDING; Gurinder Chadha’s BRIDE AND PREJUDICE; and, Deepa Mehta’s WATER. These films will not disappoint and even a second viewing is a treat. I tell you a little about them since you may want to check them out.

MONSOON WEDDING is exquisitely shot and tells the story of an arranged marriage taking place in a well to do Delhi family. On the Mira Nair’s website, Mira Bai Films , the film is described as “….a love song to both old and new Delhi. It is also an exploration and celebration of Punjabi culture. Five interweaving stories are told in the four days and nights leading up to an elaborate upper-class wedding. Each story navigates different aspects of love, crossing boundaries of class, continent and morality.”

BRIDE AND PREJUDICE is a Bollywood take on the Jane Austin classic. There is much singing and dancing and the spirit of the film is positively exuberant. The color palate of the film is dazzling. Fans of the TV show “Lost” may be surprised to see Naveen Andrews cast as Mr. Darcy’s good friend, Mr. Bingley. In an interview in About.com, Naveen said he had to train 9 hours a day for about 40 weeks (surely an exaggeration) to learn the dance numbers which he described as, “…traditional Indian dance coupled with M.C. Hammer from the early ‘90s.” The singer Ashanti makes a cameo appearance and sings a song that has no connection to the plot. According to Gurinder Chadha, it is a traditional in Bollywood films for a celebrity to make such a cameo appearance and sing a song unrelated to the storyline.

WATER takes place in 1938 and it tells the story of 2 women who are living in a widows’ house. At that time, if a woman’s husband died she had 3 choices: to marry her husband’s younger brother, if his family permits; to kill herself on his funeral pyre; or, to live a life of celibacy, discipline, and solitude in a house with other widows. The movie follows the lives of two women. Chuyia, had been married to a much older man. When he dies, her family places her in a widows’ house where, despite being a pre-teen, she is expected to live out her days. As the film progresses, it is heartbreaking to watch Chuyia slowly realize that her mother is not coming to take her home. Kalyani, another widow, meets a handsome young man, who is a progressive thinker. He believes in a new law which, while unpopular, does allow widows to re-marry. But crossing the river to meet his family, Kalyani realizes that events in her past, tying her to her beloved’s father, may prevent her from marrying. This film, like the other two, is beautifully shot and the performances are outstanding.

By the way, here are some additional films directed by these very talented women. Other notable films by Mira Nair: VANITY FAIR, THE NAMESAKE, and SALAAM BOMBAY. Other notable films by Deepa Mehta: FIRE and 1947: EARTH – the other 2 films that make up a trilogy. Another notable film by Gurinder Chadha: BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM.

So, those are my party plans. I’ll happily take suggestions for future women’s DVD film festivals.

Jan Bina, blogger for In the Trenches Productions
First Entertainment Website for Women Over 40

The empty nest is suddenly approaching. How will I feel? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? The answer is in the Teddy Bear Store. My daughter just turned 21. My son is 16 1/2. I am 54. Hmmmm. Are they old or am I? I guess it depends on your point of view. But no matter what my age the empty nest syndrome is quickly approaching. I have had to start thinking about the empty house in my future. How will I feel when their bedrooms are empty and devoid of the sounds of life of the ones so precious to me, no matter how annoying a few of those sounds are?. . . Their faces won’t be readily available to kiss, or their bodies always there to hug everyday. Or when I no longer HAVE to get up or stay awake for them, or work my day around pickups???..the list is endless. How will my heart feel when I am no longer needed in that way?? And of course there is also how I will feel about the empty nest when I no longer have to pick up the endless crap around the house and scream that I am not a servant! When I no longer have to argue about grades and responsibility and impress upon them that I am not a servant and or doormat. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It could go both ways, I guess. However since the prices of apartments in Los Angeles are so astronomical how can a young person afford to strike out on their own? Perhaps we will end up like the Walton’s and the house will be filled with our kids and the grandkids and me and my husband and all the doggies and fishies. My husband and I will just take a lot of trips. And this too could be a good thing or a bad thing. It could go both ways. Anyway I digress. My daughter is turning 21 and my son wants to get her something for her birthday and he is having a terrible time at the mall deciding. Boy I hate that. Malls, teenage boys and tough shopping decisions. How will I feel about not having to do THIS anymore? Well, we passed one of those teddy bear stores and his shopping block ended. You know… the stores where you pick a bear, they stuff it, put a heart in it and it is born? You get a birth certificate, you name it and pick a stunning wardrobe for it, and lots of other stuff, so by the time you are out of there you have created a bear that only Donald Trump could afford for his daughter. Well I watched my 6.1 ft 16 year old son pick out the bear with great care, and even the panties (about $5 for those and I don’t even spend that on my own panties!). And suddenly I saw him, with complete ease and a little gleam in is eye, turn around and jump up and down and do an entire routine, usually done only by 4 year olds, to bring the newly stuffed bear’s heart to life! That memory was instantly stamped into my brain and heart, and will live there forever and ever. THIS is what I will miss. These unforgettable moments. Not just the daily give and take, kissing and yelling, but this…these unexpected, unrepeatable delightful moments. So even though my children are slipping away because they are maturing so fast (and that is a good thing) and will not need me in the same way (if I’ve done my job properly) they are, and will forever be, in my heart. All that they were as children and all that they are becoming are there in plain sight for me. The big memories like this or the little ones. I may have forgotten a lot at this age and I may forget more (I like to blame it on menopause not age) but there are some memories that stick like Elmer’s. My son’s happiness when doing something special for his sister will stick. Enough will stick. My heart is the real home where my children will always be no matter where they happen to live. I think those kind of memories rest in your heart, not your brain, because that is where they will be safe. I may have an empty nest, but I will never, ever, have an empty heart. Of course I am kind of leaning towards the Walton’s idea, and perhaps a grandchild or two (eegads! not now but later) to take, hand in hand, to the Teddy Bear store, where I will watch them dance with glee as I hold back tears of joy.
Debbie Zipp, In The Trenches Productions